


Plutonium

by knighthart



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Comedy, F/F, F/M, First Meetings, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Someone Thrown Ups, They are Civils, drunk mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26383141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knighthart/pseuds/knighthart
Summary: Merlin thought it was going to be a quiet night, unfortunately, Merlin was wrong and it was all Eggsy's friend fault, Harry.Or, how Merlin fell in love with the bloke that puked on him.
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	Plutonium

Karaokes, Merlin thought, part amused and part annoyed, were really the only places where people that enjoyed singing despite their lack of capacity could do it without being judged as clowns or self-centered people with no consideration for other people's ears. Well, he supposed that it happens because drunk people, at least happy drunk people, don't give a fuck about things like that. In fact, they were there for that exact reason: cheap booze and a place to sing Fat Bottomed Girl out of rhythm. 

It was Eggsy's birthday and, as always, he invited Merlin for a little gathering at The Black Prince, a low-class dirty Pub located near The Alexandra and Ainsworth Estate. Merlin knew most everyone sitting at the table. Roxy was Eggsy's childhood friend, they met once in another of Eggsy's gatherings, Gazelle was her girlfriend, James was a common friend from College, Percival was his boyfriend, and then there was Tilde, Eggsy's girlfriend. The only person there that Merlin hadn't met before was Harry.

The bloke was about their age, but he looked out of place with his buttoned white shirt and posh blazer. He reminded Merlin of one of those Oxford boys that walk around with a silver spoon up into their arses and all the certainty in the world that they were just better than anyone because their parents had a title and were someplace in the line of throne. Merlin had no idea how Eggsy met Harry, but it wasn't a surprise. Eggsy was so charismatic and friendly that he could become friends with the bloody Queen if he wanted. He was one of the few people at College that Merlin could not only tolerate but really like.

Harry was involved in a very dangerous drink game with Eggsy and James. In his own experience, Merlin knew it was the dumbest thing someone could do because both of them, James and Eggsy, were part of that select kind of people that can drink literally everything without getting drunk. It was an impressive skill and Merlin envied that. Anyway, the poor bloke was in his third shot of tequila and was already looking wasted. It was like he didn’t have the habit of drinking an alarming amount of alcohol as fast as a sailor, or in their case College kids.

"Merlin," Eggsy started when a round of drinks that looked abnormally green arrived at the table. "Are you sure you won't drink anything today?" he asked with a raised brow.

"Aye," Merlin replied unfazed. Unfortunately, he has to attend his cousin’s wedding the next day and he won't be able to handle his family with a hangover because Scots have the habit of speaking too loud, they are also crazy and can cause migraines better than any alcoholic beverage. "Are ye sure ye are going to drink it?" he asked, staring Eggsy’s drink with a mockery expression. It was green, but not a natural kind of green. It was the kind of green that can give you powers or, in real life, kill you.

"Wot?" Eggsy exclaimed, frowning. "It's some Brazilian cocktail called caipirinha, innit?" he asked looking at James, who ordered it. 

"Yes," James replied with a smirk. 

"I know what a caipirinha looks like and this nae looks like one. It looks like liquid plutonium," Merlin commented wittily dry. "And I will nae hold your hair if ye get sick," he added. Harry, watching their interaction with curiosity, started to look to the drink he was holding with fear. 

"Stop, Merlin. You are just saying that because you don't have hair to be held by someone," James pointed out. "Or someone to hold it for you," he purred while looking at Percival. Merlin rolled his eyes, James’ jokes about his lack of hair or partner were getting so old and uncreative that Merlin couldn’t be bothered. Also, he liked his hair, and his relationship status very much, they made life simpler. 

"Darling, it's very bold of you to assume that I would risk getting vomit in my shoes just to hold your hair," Percival replied, looking fondly at his boyfriend. James pouted and it was what finally led the entire table to laugh.

*

Sometimes, Merlin really hates being right. He was messaging Ginger, one of their friends that bailed out that night, when Harry came tumbling towards the table. He sat completely disheveled and sweaty, which was comprehensible since he was jumping around and singing with Eggsy and James for the past hour. However, he was also looking very pale. When he put his head on the table, Merlin immediately got worried. 

"Are ye alright?" Merlin asked, making Harry look at him with eyes barely open. 

"Maybe I shouldn't have drunk the liquid plu-" he managed to say with a hoarse voice, failing the last word. "Plunt..plunti-"

"Plutonium," Merlin said, trying to hide his smile. There was something adorable about watching a man such as Harry, extremely handsome and well dressed, behave like a sleepy puppy. The views were quite ridiculous and Merlin was enjoying it. "Ye can call it Hulk's piss if it is easier for ye to pronounce," he added wittily, making Harry chuckle.

"Sod off," he mumbled, closing his eyes.

"Great," Merlin said to himself. "It looks like I'm the nanny for the night," he sighed. He knew he should have excused himself to go home earlier.

It didn't seem, but Merlin really enjoyed going to karaoke just to get wasted and sing bad songs, in his case John Denver, with people he never met before and his friends. However, attending this type of event while sober was...a bummer, especially when you become the only sober person whose job is to look after your friends. The only positive side of it was the number of embarrassing stories he has in his playback portfolio. Like that time when Eggsy and Merlin were at a party and Eggsy started to cry about how much he loved Tilde. Merlin had spent two hours trying to convince Eggsy that taking a cab to the other side of London just to confess his love for Tilde, who he was seeing for a week at that time, wasn’t a good idea. Then, when Merlin finally helped Eggsy home, the lad started to profess his love for Merlin and how good of a friend he was. Merlin couldn’t wait to tell that story at their wedding.

He smiled and sipped his coke. That was the moment when hell fell on earth because Harry, who was sleeping, started throwing up.

"Fuck," Merlin exclaimed while getting up. He moved Harry so he wouldn't throw up on himself, which was a little late because his trousers were already a lost cause, and he ended up puking on Merlin's arm. Merlin grunted, disgusted. "Great."

Merlin looked around. Tilde and Eggsy were dancing and singing with the rest of the crowd near the karaoke machine. Roxy and Gazelle were eating each other months near the bar and James and Percival were probably in the bathroom doing the same. 

"Shit," Merlin said when Harry started to puke again. "Harry," he continued, trying to wake the bloke up. "Come on," Harry opened his eyes briefly, looked at Merlin confusedly, and then passed out again. Merlin sighed, he couldn't let Harry alone in the table, which meant that he couldn't cross the Pub to catch his friends and, even if Merlin called them, what good would it do? Eggsy would probably blame himself for the drinking game and Merlin knew first hand how emotional Eggsy could get. James would probably joke around because that was what James does, he never takes anything seriously, and Percival would become angry at his boyfriend’s lack of touch, which will make them fight. Roxy and Gazelle would try to handle the entire situation like it was fucking military mission, which could seem reasonable, but they were also drunk as hell and Merlin wasn’t in the mood to deal with their stubbornness.

He was practical, trying to organize a bunch of drunk people to take another drunk person to the hospital wasn’t. It would only waste his time and limited stock of patience. Fortunately, a couple sitting next to them saw Merlin's distress and offered help.

"Help me get him into a cab," Merlin intoned.

They were able to get Harry outside with a chair and, after five minutes, Merlin and Harry were heading towards the hospital. During the entire drive, Merlin had to hold Harry's head in order to prevent him from choking with his own puke and, since Harry was laid with his head on Merlin's lap, that meant that Merlin's jeans were also a lost cause. If Merlin wasn’t so worried, because Harry had totally blacked out and he was still puking, he would probably be mad as fuck.

*

The nurse who attended them wasn't very happy and her bad mood was quite understandable, considering that it was bloody late and she was having to deal with what seemed to be a posh bloke that drank more than he should, which was exactly the case when she had probably more important things to do. And all that Merlin wanted to say was "I know, right? Rich people," but he couldn't because Harry was passed out and all her anger was directed towards Merlin, which made bonding impossible.

"Do you know if he has any allergies," the nurse asked grumpily.

"Nae," Merlin said. "I am afraid," he added, trying to look as unfazed and confident as possible considering that all he wanted to do was a curse. She frowned.

"So, let me get this straight," she started."You don't know his full name, his address, his blood type, his allergies and if he takes some kind of medicine," she drawled. 

"It seems the case," Merlin replied, making the nurse give him another angry look. Getting to the hospital alone with someone that he didn’t know was starting to look like a very bad idea when he remembered that Harry probably had a wallet someone inside his blaze. "Wait a minute," he said while looking in Harry's pockets.

"What on earth," Harry, who was sitting in a wheelchair, mumbled, waking. "Are you doing?" he asked bewildered while looking around.

"Oh, thank god," Merlin breathed, sitting. "We're at the hospital. Ye passed out and started throwing up. I had nae idea if ye took something that shouldn't be taken with alcohol so I thought bringing ye here would be wise," he explained.

"Oh dear," Harry said, looking ashamed and resigned. He was so pale that it was easy to notice how he was blushing. His eyes were wide open and red, which made him look like a drunk baby that was seeing the world for the first time. At least he wasn’t puking anymore. "I'm terribly sorry," he blurted, after noticing how dirty his and Merlin’s clothes were. 

"Sir, can you answer a few questions?" she asked dryly.

"By all the means," Harry replied. The way he was speaking was so funny since he was trying to be extremely polite and talk properly while he was still drunk, that Merlin had to try very hard to hide his laugh. He failed and the nurse didn't appreciate it when he chuckled. 

Ten minutes later, after a bunch of questions and a lecture about how it was irresponsible of Harry to mix up pills with alcohol, even though Harry had reassured her that his medications don't react with it, they were escorted to a room where Harry was put in a drip to receive fluids. Harry, that looked extremely drained, fell asleep again laid in the chair. Merlin breathed, now that things were quiet and the adrenaline went off, he was starting to feel exhausted and a little angry. He texted Percival to warn him of what had happened and where they were. After that, he started to watch a reprise of The Great British Bake Off that was being shown on a little telly on the wall.

"I'm terribly sorry, really," Harry said out of the blue, attracting Merlin’s attention to himself. He seemed a lot better, even though he was still looking sleepy.

"That's fine, ye don't need to worry," Merlin replied, he gave Harry a comforting smile, but it wasn’t returned.

"I can pay for your dry cleaning," he offered, trying to make amends. “I have to repay you some..somehow, I ruined your night.”

"Ye don't need to," Merlin said, making Harry sigh exasperatedly. "I have to say, I didn't see it coming when ye arrived with Eggsy," he commented. Harry looked at him with a raised brow.

"Well, I har...hardly believe someone ex-pects to receive vomit in their shoes and jeans," Harry huffed sarcastically.

"I was talking about someone like ye getting wasted in a lower class Pub," Merlin said. "I'm nae trying to offend ye, it's just that-"

"I don't look like the type," Harry said, making Merlin nod. "Eggsy said the same thing for me once. That's why I accepted his invitation. He thinks I am not the kind of person that has fun, he even had the nerve to call me Benjamin Button, because in his opinion that was the only explanation possible for my lack of interest in this kind of social activity in my age," he rambled. 

“It sounds like Eggsy, did he mention the way ye talk?” Merlin asked, entertained.

“As a matter of fac..fact, yes,” Harry replied, looking at Merlin with narrowed eyes. “He said it's like I am a character from Downton Abbey, complete nonsense,” he said smiling, making Merlin laugh again while shaking his head. Being in a hospital at two in the morning sucked, but Harry was kind of funny. Now Merlin could see why Eggsy invited him.

"So you went to Eggsy’s birthday just to prove to him wrong?" Merlin provocatively.

"Of course not," Harry replied exasperated. "I went to his birthday because he became a dear friend, I accepted his drinking challenge because I wanted to prove him wrong. Obviously, I failed," he explained angrily, looking like a person that hates to lose. It was pretty funny and captivating for Merlin.

"If it helps, there are few people in the world that can win a drinking game against Eggsy," Merlin drawled. "Ye aren't one of them and neither am I," he added, Harry smiled, almost shyly. "How did you even meet Eggsy?"

"I work at Kingsman's as a tailor apprentice," Harry said, surprising Merlin. "My uncle hired Eggsy to fix our computers, make out the site, and this sort of thing," he explained. 

"That explains why yy went to a Pub dressed like that," Merlin said.

"You say it like there is something wrong in wearing a suit,” Harry intoned in an educative tone and, if he wasn’t dirty and smelling terribly bad, someone could confuse him with a teacher. “And there isn't. A suit, it’s a knight's modern armor and every gentleman should own one, at least,” he argued. 

Merlin and Harry glared at each other for a moment. It was alarming and extremely questionable that Merlin found Harry handsome and adorable even when he was covered in vomit. It was the type of thing that happens in very bad and straight romantic comedy movies, the ones that Merlin is highly critical of. Still, there was he, bewitched about the way Harry could speak and behave like he was attending a very posh dinner even when his dignity had died hours ago. The truth is that Merlin was really happy that Eggsy brought Harry with him that night, even though he would rather skip the vomiting part.

Harry smiled at him before taking his eyes out of Merlin to watch the telly and Merlin let his eyes linger on Harry a little longer before he turned his eyes to the tv as well. After a while, they started to talk again about The Great British Bake Off, apparently, they both were very fond of watching people crying in despair because their cake was falling apart after they ignored one of the judge's advice about how what they were doing wasn’t going to work.

*

“For what it’s worth,” Merlin drawled, they were both walking out of the hospital after Harry finally got released. “I think ye pretty much proved Eggsy that he was wrong. I mean, what could be better than a suit full of puke to prove him that ye can behave like a normal young adult with irresponsible tendencies,” he said flirting.

“A picture,” Harry said with a smirk, pointing at a bench nearby that had the statue of a man, probably some poetry that Merlin never heard off, sitting on it. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Merlin replied with a smile of his own.

They both sat on the bench and Merlin pulled his phone out of one of his pockets, they both smiled, behind them, the hospital’s lights were shining in all its red and yellow glory. Merlin took the photo and showed it to Harry, who laughed before he sent it into their group chat. Right after, Eggsy sent them an audio.

“Haaarry, Merlin,” he screamed happily. “You are the guvnor, I am so happy you bruvs are alright,” then he started to sob. In the background, they could hear Tilde trying to calm him down before it ended. Merlin and Harry looked at each other with delight in their eyes.

“Well,” Merlin said. “I think this closed the night. Do ye cellphone is charged or ye need help to call a lift?”

  
“It's charged, I can handle it,” Harry said. He opened his mouth, looking a little anxious, and closed it again before he decided to spoke. “We should do it again someday,” he blurted, making Merlin look at with a raised brow and a smirk. “I mean, not the part where I passed out and embarrassed myself by throwing upon you,” he justified, even though it wasn’t necessary and Merlin couldn’t help but to feel smitten by the contradiction that Harry Hart was. “I am talking about the part where we both sat and talked about bad reality shows, although I think we can do it in a place better than a hospital.”

“Do ye have plans for tomorrow?” Merlin asked.

“Besides taking a shower, crawl into my bed and perish in shame?” he said. “I don’t think so.”

“Then, would ye like to be my plus one at a wedding? Ye can laugh at the drunk people there to feel better about yourself,” Merlin said wittily. “And I can see how ye look in a full suit that doesn’t seem like something that came out of a trash can.”

“Will you wear one as well?’ Harry asked curiously.

“Aye,” Merlin said. “I will even wear a bow tie for you,” he added with a half-smile.

“Then, my answer is yes,” Harry said. “I think it will be quite lovely.”

  
  



End file.
